You have just hit the nail on the head

I’ve just got home from Geoff Thompson’s Masterclass, which runs for 6 months at a time. Geoff started the session with, as always, a motivational and inspiring talk. Once again I left the building feeling totally inspired. Geoff always makes me see things clearly and he seems to say what I need to hear, just at the moment I need to hear it. Today’s talk was about how we should serve others, which means to help people, to give to others selflessly and to inspire them. When we serve someone we shouldn’t expect anything back in return and that the good we have passed on would return back to us in some form. Most people would call this Karma. What you give out, will come back to you. The talk made me reflect over the last few years of my life, my own personality and what changes I needed to make…

We all try to improve ourselves and strive to be a better person, but it is not always easy. I am the first to put my hand up and say I have struggled during the past few years with serving others. I always try to serve others, but over the years there have been occasions where I felt I’d been let down by others, disappointed, misjudged and at times I felt that I’d been taken advantage of. I will be honest, I have felt like this towards family, friends and also at work. Many people would probably relate to this feeling. I am quite a sensitive person and sometimes I worry too much about how others view me. Most people would probably shrug their shoulders and say not to worry about it. I have always been quite a chilled out person, but over the last couple of years I have noticed a difference in my stress levels and the affect it has had on my body. I found myself getting frustrated, upset, emotional, felt down and I even felt ill at times, with stomach cramps and feeling sick to my stomach from worry or stress, all due to situations or issues that have occurred over the years.

My beautiful Nan passed away last year. She was one of the most selfless human beings I have ever met. She would serve people on a daily basis, regardless of how they treated her. She once fed and clothed a man, after she found him stealing clothes from her washing line. My Nan never had a lot of money and really struggled, but she knew the man needed help. How many of us would do that? I strive to be half the person she was. My mum also takes after her mother; it is how we have both been brought up, to help others and be there for them, to put others needs ahead of our own. In this day and age many are consumed with greed or power. They find it unbelievable that someone would do something for them, without expecting anything in return. If we were all selfless and helped others more often, the world would be a happier place. By serving others we can hold our head up high, knowing we had done the right thing. It’s usually the small gestures , which can make a big difference to someone.

With everything in life there needs to be a balance. There are people in this world that I have come across who will steal from you, lie, cheat, threaten and the list goes on… I have been in situations in the past where I have unknowingly served people like this, befriended them, helped them, supported them, to then later find out their real character. Over the years I have found myself saying things like ‘I can’t believe she has put me in this situation, after everything I did for her’, ‘Everything he ever told me was a lie…but I trusted him’ I had served these friends and I had expectations of how they should treat me, that is where my problem lies…Don’t have expectations of others. I know some people would take revenge, or lash out, but that’s not in my nature, I would prefer to be the bigger person and hold my head up high. We need to serve people, but obviously there is a boundary, a time when we should walk away from them. If someone is taking advantage of you, causing you harm or hurt, then you need to walk away. People say I’m too soft, but for me it’s about helping people, being a nice person and feeling happy in the knowledge that I’ve served someone. After listening to Geoff today, I felt that he had hit the nail on the head, I realised that I should continue serving people, without expectations. I may find it hard to find the right balance, to know when to walk away and who to serve, but at least I’m giving it a go…

You can never be judged for having a big heart

Big Hugs
Shell
x

Letting go…

Just over 2 years ago I made an exciting decision…I was going to move out of my parents home for the first time in my life. I was so excited. I was leaving loving parents that couldn’t do enough for me and a beautiful home. ..
I loved living at my parents, but part of me was desperate to be more independent. Almost instantly after I was raped at knifepoint my parents became very over protective, as you can imagine. I totally understood why they were so protective, as I had very nearly been taken from them. I was still their little girl. I don’t want people to have the impression that I lived in a prison, locked away from mankind, or that their over protectiveness affected me on a daily basis, as it didn’t. My parents just worried a lot more than most parents. Over the years we had disagreements, arguments and tears over my determined attitude. My attacker was not going to stop me doing anything in life. I was adamant that I would live the same kind of life that my friends had. It wasn’t easy on either me or my parents over the years. I wanted to do the usual teenage things like going to the pub, nightclubs, holidays with friends etc…and I certainly did do the usual teenage things. All my parents wanted was to try to keep me safe and protect me, as they knew from experience exactly what can happen. My parents didn’t want to stop me from doing anything in life, but the fear was so strong that I guess at times it must have been crippling for them. I don’t have children so I can only guess what they must have gone through and how it left them feeling. No one should have to live with fear on a daily basis. It was a no win situation. I was not going to stop living my life and enjoying myself, otherwise it would mean I’d let my attacker win and my parents were not going to stop worrying about me. My stubbornness paid off in the end and I have had a fantastic life so far, with many adventures. Over the years my parents became less over protective and didn’t worry quite so much. This meant that I achieved what I set out to do. I had the control over my attacker, he didn’t ruin my life. I have travelled the world, met some amazing people along the way and for the last 22 years I have lived life to the full.
As hard as it was for my parents when I moved out, they were so proud of me for doing it. They have always been so supportive of me. Being an only child they really missed me when I left and they found it hard to adjust. I half expected them to be popping over to my new home quite a lot, but between them they made the decision that they would let go of the reigns and give me the independence that I wanted. I didn’t realise this at the time and found myself wondering why they hadn’t popped over or why they hadn’t rang me. It was very strange at first and took a while to get used to. However, I am so pleased that they did as I thrived off my independence and for the first time in 22 years I felt that I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and that felt amazing!
I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes we need to let go, for us to be able to live. Whether it is in relation to our children, family or partner, we sometimes need to make difficult decisions to be able to move forward in life. We need to keep moving forwards, we need to accept the things that we have no control over and be brave. I have a fantastic relationship with both my parents and see them on a regular basis. I have so much respect for them and what they have done for me and continue to do for me. By ‘letting go’ our relationship has grown stronger and I have grown into an independent happy woman. Sometimes we need to put others needs before our own, but on the other hand some people spend a lifetime doing things for others and they need to put themselves first for a change. If something is holding you back in life ask yourself…Should I let go?

Big Hugs

Shell x

The Good the Bad and the Ugly
I started 2011 feeling extremely excited, energised and looked forward to a life changing year ahead. Little did I realise how life changing it would be. I had a lot to look forward to.
A story about when I was raped was being made into a film called ‘Counting backwards’ and when completed would be entered into film festivals around the world. The film will hopefully change lives, inspire people and help so many. Geoff Thompson who had written the story, kept me up to date with the progress. I would later have emails from the film Director, Sean De Sparengo on how the film was shaping up and I visited the film set/cast/crew and had an amazing day.
I was buzzing with excitement and life couldn’t be better! I really felt that it was going to be one of the best years of my life so far! Then within the blink of an eye that all changed. My world fell apart. My Nan became ill and died unexpectedly. I have never felt pain like it. It physically hurt me, my chest actually hurt. I constantly felt sick and I just couldn’t accept she had gone. I absolutely adored her, spent a lot of time with her and loved her bones. She was my life. How could I live a life without her in it? With the help and support of my friends, family (especially my cousin) and my training I was able to get back to some kind of normality. I knew life would never be the same without her, but I also knew that she was shouting down from heaven telling me ‘For the love of God I’m fine, stop worrying!’ and that I should live my life to the full and be happy.
Over the next few months I continued with my training, which really helped me to focus. I had messages of great support when I lost my Nan, especially from my instructors Mick Tully, Al Peasland, Glenn Smith and Louise Peasland. I also had some amazing support from the people I trained with. Very often it is the people around you that help to glue you back together, with their text messages of comfort, phone calls and big hugs. Without my friends and family I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I started Geoff Thompson’s Master class, which helped me make sense of a lot of things that were happening in my life at the time and I met some inspiring people. I graded twice in Boxing Technique and continued training, until about 3 months ago when I had a silly accident and damaged my Peroneal Tendon, after falling over on my ankle.
Later in the year I worked hard putting together the resources, information and content for My Motivational Talk, which I did at The Hilton Hotel. I stood up in front of around 35-40 people and spoke about how I dealt with my attack and the affects it had on my life, in the hope that someone would be helped in some way. I wanted people to see that you can live a happy life after going through something traumatic and I hoped to inspire people. To be honest I found the event extremely stressful, hard work and very time consuming. I did have people trying to stop me from doing the talk, but I continued on as I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing. I had a month or more where I had one issue after another,
literally every week there seemed to be a problem. I started to get bogged down by it all and wondered if I had the energy to carry on with Michelle Fighting Back and the talk. I could have easily just walked away from everything, but that just isn’t me. I knew it would definitely be worth all of the stress and hard work. I work full time and was exhausted staying up late each night and also had to miss training sessions. The talk was a great success. From the feedback I’d had from everyone, I had done what I’d set out to do. Alongside the talk I also had a website set up ‘MichelleFightingBack.co.uk’ created by Richard Barnes. I felt that everything was coming together and that I had achieved so much with the help of others. Lots of people helped me get to that stage, they bent over backwards to help me, gave me great advice and they also worked late into the night working on my resources/photography etc..(Mainly Louis Thompson, Mike Ashworth and Martin Williams)
Since starting up Michelle Fighting Back I have had some amazing, inspiring and at times quite heart breaking emails from people, sharing their own stories. Some have been total strangers and others have been people that I have known for years. The messages I have received have been honest and I guess quite painful for them to write. I have answered each message honestly and have told each person how I have dealt with issues in my life. I would never tell someone how to live their life or how they should deal with something, as we all have our own paths to walk, each going in a different direction. Where possible I have recommended experts in Counselling, Martial Arts Instructors and other organisations that would benefit others greatly. I am just glad they felt they could share their experiences with me and benefit from what I was doing.
One of the things I have been reminded of this year more than any other year, is how important our friends and family are. We all have issues, sad news and difficult situations to deal with, but these are the people that are always there for us no matter what, through the Good, the Bad and the Ugly times. Sometimes the bad things can happen when we are at our most happiest. We can’t pick and choose when the Good, the Bad and Ugly things happen in our lives. We just have to be there for each other and support each other. We never know what someone is feeling inside or what someone is really going through, so I think that if we all made more of an effort to… smile at someone, send a nice uplifting text message, give someone a nice compliment, take your partner out for a nice meal or even just say the words ‘Thank you’ or ‘I love you’ to a friend or a loved one. It can really make the difference to a person, it could make their day or even their year…so what are you waiting for?
I am happy to say that 2012 has started off really well, I’m happy, I’m looking forward to the year ahead and my ankle is getting better!

So on that note I would like to wish you an amazing, healthy and happy 2012!

Big Hugs to you and huge smiles coming your way
Michelle x

My exciting day on the film set of ‘Counting Backwards’

The day had finally arrived.  Filming for ‘Counting Backwards’ had started on Thursday 1st September 2011. I was so excited. My cousin and I met Sharon Thompson at the train station. The three of us were collected by her husband, the BAFTA winning writer of the script Geoff Thompson, and the film runner in a minibus and driven to the film set. After a few minutes I noticed the minibus seat was wet, by the time I got out of the minibus I had a big wet patch on the back of my trousers!  I couldn’t believe I was turning up at probably the biggest, most exciting event of my life so far, with a huge wet patch on the back of my trousers! I was about to meet the Director, Producers, the actresses and all of the crew, looking as though I’d had a ‘little accident’. Geoff kept saying he was going to mention the fact that I had wet myself in the minibus on his next podcast.

Geoff explained what scenes were to be filmed during the day and described how emotional the scenes were the day before.  All of the film crew had been crying and found the scenes really hard-hitting.  Hetti Bywater had some very powerful scenes, in which she blew everyone away with her acting and the crew were left emotional wrecks after watching her performances. She suffered from headaches after the filming, due to the intensity of the scenes.  I mentally prepared myself after hearing this and was glad I had already put a packet of tissues in my bag just in case. Yesterday’s film shoot had included scenes with Jo McInnes, Ronnie Fox and Hetti Bywater. Today’s cast were Kathryn Prescott and Wendy Albiston, as different scenes were being shot.

We drove down a quiet street and you could instantly tell where the filming was taking place, due to the huge trucks parked up. The set consisted of two big houses within a quiet street, which were directly opposite each other. The large drive ways and gardens of the properties had become villages of filming equipment, toilets, and catering services.

By this point I was still really excited, but became a little nervous too.  I was about to meet really important people, who were changing my life in so many ways. I had heard about them through Geoff, but had never met them, apart from one of the producers, Jon Sloan.  The people that I was about to meet knew all about me.  The first person I was introduced to made me giggle; she was a lovely lady who was standing in the drive way recreating the newspaper reports which were to be used in the film. She also showed us her artwork, which was to be used in the film. Every last detail had been covered in the making of the film and some of it was on display in the front garden. Walking into the house we were greeted by the rest of the crew. Everyone shook my hand or hugged me with big smiles on their faces and made me feel at ease once again. After the introductions we soon got onto the subject of the little wet patch on my trousers, and fortunately at that point someone suggested getting a cup of tea, so we left the crew to finish setting up for the scene.

For most of the morning the crew were setting up the scene, getting the equipment in place and finally, when everything was ready, we were called back to watch the rehearsals.  Even though it was a very big house there was not much room to stand due to the equipment and all of the crew needed for the scene. I was very lucky as the director Sean De Sperango kindly fetched a stool for me to sit on, from where I had an amazing view of the actress Kathryn Prescott who was ready to start directly in front of me.

I quietly sat listening to Sean explain to Kathryn what he wanted from the scene and how she should have the angle of her hands, body and face.  Within a few seconds Kathryn was ready to rehearse the scene.  Everyone in the room seemed to suddenly hold their breath as we heard the words, ‘Everyone quiet please…action!’  My body was frozen to the chair, as I was so worried that if I moved even slightly my bracelets might make a noise or that the chair would squeak! It was at that point that I remembered how much my stomach had been grumbling with hunger when we were outside, just moments before.  The cameraman and the sound engineer were the only two people in the room that dared to move, and that’s only because they had to. The crew in the front and back gardens were also told through a headset that they had to be silent due to filming. I watched Kathryn rehearse her scene, whilst praying to God that my stomach wouldn’t suddenly burst into life and sound like thunder! Everyone in the room soon became emotional and transfixed on Kathryn’s performance.  One moment she was smiling and asking how the director would like the scene to be, the next moment she was acting, looking confused, traumatised and heartbroken.  She seemed to gasp with emotional pain, she looked so distraught as if her whole world had been turned upside down….suddenly the scene ended and she was back to herself again, smiling. I have seen endless TV shows and films where a character has played a fantastic and moving scene, but I had never seen anything quite like Kathryn’s performance. Sitting directly in front of her, watching her suddenly burst into character and leave everyone in the room stunned by her performance, was truly magical.  When she had finished there were beaming smiles on everyone’s faces, once they had wiped away the tears that is, and it was at this point you could hear everyone begin to breathe once again.  I looked up at Kathryn and said, ‘That was amazing!’  Sean then decided to film from a different angle, which meant everyone had to move to the other side of the room, so this seemed like a good point to get some lunch.

We walked across the road to the neighbour’s drive way for our lunch.  The catering company had brought big containers with hot food, cakes and other goodies. Geoff, Sharon, the two producers, Eddie and Jon, my cousin and I helped ourselves to food and drink.  It soon became obvious that I had the biggest plate of food. Obviously I didn’t want to ruin any scenes with my stomach grumbling, so I filled my plate up. I was eating so much just for the sake of the film and not because I’m greedy! A member of the crew walked over to us to say we could have our lunch and then suddenly realised we were already half way through our lunch and that we were discussing whether to have chocolate cake or carrot cake for pudding. He then informed the rest of the crew, through his headset that lunch was ready. I had the urge to grab the director Sean’s plate and pile it with food as he barely had anything to eat and was working flat out every day. The sun was blazing down on us while sat talking and telling funny stories to each other.  Geoff had made me a cup of tea when we first arrived on set, now Jon the producer offered to make me a cup. It was a beautiful cup of tea, so I thought I would let Jon know that his tea was better than Geoff’s, not that I would want to offend either of them, as one had written my story and the other is producing it! The rest of the afternoon was spent on the drive way chatting or wandering over to the set to see the progress that had been made. Once the scenes were set up again we were called back over to the set. This time we watched Wendy and Kathryn act together.

The photographer came over to show us the photos that he had taken of the previous day’s filming. The photos were of the scenes, behind the scenes and of the actors. I joked with the photographer that he was probably jealous of my own camera, my Fuji FinePix, which I had brought with me to the film set. The quality of his pictures was fantastic, as you would expect. The pictures were also of the actors who weren’t present on today’s filming, Ronnie Fox, Jo McInnes, Hetti Bywater and a few others.

We also managed to have a chat with Kathryn and Wendy, talking about the scenes that they were in and that my cousin and I had travelled down to the set just for the day. I felt quite sorry for Wendy as we had watched her having her make up done when we first arrived on set, but she wasn’t needed for filming until late afternoon.  She had patiently waited around all day long. I guess that is part of being an actress. Whereas Kathryn seemed to act and rehearse throughout the day, well when she wasn’t waiting for the scene to be set up.

Throughout the day we popped back and forth to the film set across the road.  We watched the filming on one of the TV monitors, which was located in the front garden.  We also popped into the house from time to time, trying not to knock over any equipment or get in anyone’s way.  We sat for a while in the back garden, where one of the crew members who worked on the wardrobe started to chat to me. She told me about the previous day’s filming, especially about how Hetti Bywater had reduced everyone in the room to tears with her amazingly emotional performance.  You could see her look a little bit worried about her choice of words to me, as if she didn’t want to upset me or offend me. She said something that came as a bit of a surprise to me; she said ‘You’re so brave coming here today.’ A few members of the crew said the same to me during the day. It didn’t occur to me that coming to the set would be a hard or upsetting task as I was so excited. I think the crew had the impression that I would easily get upset and find it hard to watch the scenes.  I quickly explained that I am a very positive person; I’ve dealt with my attack and accepted it a long time ago and I was just thrilled to be part of something that had the potential to help so many people and change their lives. It was one of the most surreal days of my life so far.

By late afternoon we had decided to settle in the back garden. One of the crew members brought a big basket full of sandwiches and two plates of cake.  I was still full from lunch. A few times a member of the crew would pop out to grab something to eat, take a couple of mouthfuls then be called back on to the set, leaving their sandwich behind.  The crew all worked flat out throughout the whole day, every day. The front and back garden had huge spot lights, which you would expect to see on a film set.  When we first arrived on set we actually thought the light shining into the house was natural sunlight, only to find that it was the huge filming light. We made jokes about the huge light in a Peter Kay style saying ‘Can someone turn the big light off?’ and ‘Who needs a sunbed when you have this kind of light?’ The photographer also informed us that it cost £2 per hour to have the ‘Big light’ on.

The filming seemed to start very early each day and then carry on until around 2am. At around 7pm Geoff and Sharon needed to head back to their home in London.  My cousin and I thought it would be best to head back with them.  We all said our goodbyes; I thanked everyone and said I looked forward to seeing them again at the film screening.  We got some last few photos and were then driven to the station. They rest of the journey home was spent talking about the day’s events with my cousin. The adrenalin from the exciting day had worn off by then and was being replaced by tiredness. We met some life changing, talented, amazing people, who were kindly working on ‘Counting Backwards’ knowing that it was not about the money, as they did it all for free. Each member of the crew from the Director down to the runner, was offering their talents and they would be helping so many people as a result. I will let you all know when and where the film is being screened.

Big Hugs Michelle x

Coventry Times

“Rape trauma has made me fight to help other people”

By Lucy Thomson

Nov 3 2011

A COVENTRY woman who was violently raped at knifepoint as a teenager is to speak about her traumatic ordeal in a bid to help others. Michelle*, now 35, was just 14 when she was dragged into bushes as she took a shortcut home alone from a friend’s house. “The fear and adrenalin was unlike anything I’d ever felt before,” Michelle told the Times. “It was paralysing, I couldn’t speak and I was shaking uncontrollably. I was begging him ‘please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me’ – I really did think he was going to do it.” After a terrifying 20-minute attack, the man left her and she walked back to her friend’s house to call the police. The man was later jailed. Michelle said: “I was told his crimes were escalating and that eventually he would have killed someone so I’m actually very lucky to be alive. Other women thanked me for doing what I did. “A police officer told me he had raped other women and it had completely destroyed them but I refused to ever be a victim. “I just thought ‘I can’t let him win’ – I’ve got to fight back. “It’s not who I am, it’s just another experience in my life.” She launched the ‘Michelle Fighting Back’ website earlier this year and will hold her first public talk in Coventry later this month. “I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life but then a friend of mine asked me to do a talk at a self-defence class about knife awareness and personal safety. “The response I got was incredible. In some ways it makes me wonder if this happened to me for a reason – to help others. “That thought is what has pushed me through it and kept me positive.” A short film is also being made by local director Geoff Thompson based on Michelle’s story and how it affected relationships with the people around her.

She said: “I didn’t expect my experience to have the ripple effect that it did. It was really hard because all I wanted to do was be a teenager but obviously as much as I wanted life to stay the same, things were different.”

Michelle says she learnt the hard way and is determined to help stop others going through the same ordeal. “My advice is to be selfish about your own safety. Be aware of your environment at all times and don’t take dark isolated paths – spend that little bit more on a taxi or accept that lift from a friend. “In a way I want my attacker to know that what he did hasn’t affected my life. “I have gone months before without thinking about it and it’s not going to stop me doing anything. In fact I’ve now got more drive to push myself and be positive.” Michelle’s talk takes place on Friday, November 11, at the Hilton Coventry Hotel, Paradise Way, Walsgrave, from 7pm until 9pm. Tickets cost £20.

* Surname withheld.